Dear Ms. Gladstone,

Good tires don't wear out as quickly as bad ones. In fact, some say Goodyear are the best, but, "Oh no!" we say. You know what we're talking about. We hope you don't mind that we use such a silly metaphor, but what can you do when talking about a big name like yours, and a similar name "happens" to be the name of the best tires on the market today? Firestone. Give me a break, it's not a coincidence. You too are the best in your field. You might have a name that's been around for centuries, but just like Firestone, you still get going when the going gets slippery. We're talking about that curvy, slippery, art road.

If only you could know what is going on underneath: The madness; the competition; the corruption. Let us tell you, It is really hard not being able to rise above, and take that expressway all the way to the Whitney. (Another big name, David Whitney's great-grandfather was Eli Whitney, inventor of the cotton gin. Fact.) It's like a fucking ghetto down here for crying out loud. Do you remember the desperation when you were young and promising? Didn't somebody strong help you? (Your father maybe?) Try to remember how you felt and listen to your heart, and us.

We need you. Just look at this logo we made for your gallery with an open mind like you did when you first saw Barney, Prince, Trockel, Balkenhol and the rest. We made this for you, now make something of/for us. A check would do just fine. $500 and you get print-ready film of the logo and the rights to use it any way you like. Or what the hell, go crazy, can you say, "Group Show"? Please respond promptly. No form letters.

Keep your chin up,

A.K.U.S.A.

PS: Remember Basquiat!