Dear Mr. John Tilton,

The relationship between artists and gallerists is a funny one. Not "ha-ha" funny, but more like weird funny. Not like the

relationship crippled children have to society. Society can't live with them and it can't kill them, so it buys them off, or even better (read: cost effective), just ignores them.

As a gallerist you can't afford to ignore your artists. You need them so you can make a profit, or create an art movement. But some crippled children are funny, and even make crazy paintings, like Chuck Close.

That's where we come in: Think of us as an old crippled child with a beautiful and smart artist deep inside just dying to take a bribe. We've designed a logo specifically for your gallery. You can get print-ready film and the permission to use it for only $350. You've got to admit that's cheap, and look how cool it is! Of course there are other ways to get us to quit bothering you, because we won't give up: Just ask us to send you our slides, or put us in a freaking show man! And you know what? This little old crippled baby just might give you the logo for free!

Doing our part for society,

A.K.U.S.A.

ps: Steve Hurd is our friend.